Archive for the Writing Category

I’m Back

Posted in Journal, Writing on April 17, 2011 by razor

It has been over a year since I have posted anything to this abandoned blog.  I have missed it.

Not a whole lot has happened over that year – little changes here and there.  At different times throughout my posting hiatus, I have asked myself ”What do you want?”, and others have challenged me and asked me “What do you really want – think about it and make it happen.”  I think when one asks themselves that question – little by little changes are made.  Maybe some of the changes don’t seem so good immediately – humans tend to find it difficult to let go of the very familiar and venture out into the unknown.  But step by step – if you figure out what it is that you really want, and keep that in mind, and have courage to do what it takes to make it happen – you get closer as time passes.  Even if you stumble along the way.  The key is not to lose hope and to keep going.

You either have to keep going with all tenacity or give up with all tenacity.  Doing either one half-heartedly is miserable. ~Razor

Diary of a Mistress (Novel) – Start of Editing

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Novel, Writing with tags , , , , , , on December 10, 2009 by razor

I have finally recovered from the end of November and the many nights of typing to finish my 50 K for NaNoWriMo. I haven’t written anything of substance since then. Tonight I printed it out. The 50,000 words sit neatly inside a 3 ring binder. I did not attempt to edit at all while I was writing – and since I finished, I have given a lot of thought about how to shape my story during the next few months of editing.

My heroine is strong, and many times I have feared that she is too strong for a reader to ever relate to her weaknesses – that there is no humanness in her story. But tonight I feel encouraged. Coincidentally – I rented the movie, An American Affair. It tells the story of an affair of President Kennedy while he was in office. It is told from the point of view of a young boy that lives across the street from Kennedy’s mistress. A far stretch for a story – but very well done.

So I set on this venture of editing and bringing life to my 50,000 words with a strong feeling of something I said months back – I write for an audience of one.

The Dirty Show Experience – The Crack Motel (Come with Me…)

Posted in Art Exhibits, Music, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 17, 2009 by razor

Come with me…

I can’t wait any longer.

Like a secret pleasure,
hidden deep inside,
I can only look at it when I want it.
It’s dirty… so dirty…

Justify My Love

Rent a room, for just three hours.
Incognito.
Don’t tell me your name.
I will be your Lolita,
and you can be my Master.

“Poor is the man whose Pleasures depends on the permission of another.”

NaNoWriMo Novel Excerpt 5 – The Yellow Rose

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2009 by razor

Current Word Count: 10,431

Finally, a dark-skinned girl grabbed my hand and led me off to a booth a few feet away from us on the side of the room we were in. I had a clear view of Ralph and Gregg from there. Another girl was dancing for Ralph, but Gregg sat back in his chair calmly staring at me and the stripper dancing for me. I sat, and she stood above me, with each of her legs on either side of my legs. She brought her head down close to mine as her hips circled in her lap dance. She smelled sweet. I placed my hands gently on her shoulders. Her skin was not as smooth as I expected. It had the feel of dry make-up. I suppose she had a sprayed on tan. She arched her back, and slowly slid up – so her breasts dangled like two full water balloons in front of my face. I let my hands slowly fall onto them. This was the first time I had ever been intimately close with a another female’s body. The curiosity I was feeling was stronger than any other feeling or thought. I very gently let my hands pass over her breasts to her large aureoles and nipples. I looked for a brief moment. Her aureoles were dark, and larger than most of those women I had viewed nude. I let my hands cup the sides of her breasts and I squeezed. I was surprised by how smushy they were. It felt like having two very large marshmallows in my hand squeezing them. I pushed my foot on the floor, and scooched further up the bench back just enough to reach her ear. Her soft long hair brushed my shoulder.

“Are they real?” I whispered.

“Yes.”

Her hands were now on the bench back on either side of my head. She looked directly into my eyes. I still had too many questions that were nagging at me to respond in any way to her.

“Do you like working here?”

“I don’t mind. It pays the bills. I have a little boy, and got us into a situation.”

I think that was the information I was looking for to satisfy my curiosity.

I let my fingers find their way to her nipples. I gently brushed them. She smiled.

“My nipples are very sensitive tonight.”

She stepped back just enough to be able to place her hands on my knees. Very gently she pushed my legs open and stepped forward into me. I had a straight view of Gregg just over her shoulder. He still sat back very comfortably in his chair. He looked so at home. He caught my eye – and the over so slightest smile appeared on his lips.

I returned my glance to the woman in front of me.

I let the tips of my fingers trace the sides of her curvey body. When I reached her hips, I let my hand rest on her ass. My left hand moved slowly around to the inside of her leg. Her thong was so small and clung tightly to her lips. I knew she must be completely shaven. I let the edge of my thumb sneak under her thong. She flinched – and I knew she was not comfortable with that. I glanced in her eyes.

“I don’t like anybody touching there because of STD’s”

I didn’t know if she meant STDs from me, or that she had them. It didn’t matter, my hand moved, and went to her left hip. I let her hips move my arms freely as she swiveled them in front of me.

“Are you freaked out by this?”
“No – not at all. this is very nice.”

“I would like to do something to you that I did to another girl here last night – bet she didn’t like it – it freaked her out.” She gently grabbed all of her right breast with her right hand. “I am going to rub your clit with my nipple. It makes some girls cum.”

She went down and let her haunch rest on the back of her ankles. She gently pushed my thighs just a bit further apart. I felt her hard nipple rub on top of my underwear. She stood up.

“Did you like that?”

“Yes.” I was thinking it would achieve its purposes much better if I didn’t have on underwear, but who would look this gift horse in her mouth? Not I!

Her dance was soon over. She grabbed my hand, and lead me back to our table. There was a very pretty girl sitting on Ralph’s lap, and Gregg still sat comfortably. “She’s fun,” the stripper said to him as I sat down and she left our table.

Gregg leaned forward, “How did you like that”

“I loved it.”

He leaned in, and his lips gently kissed my neck. He then pulled back and stared straight into my eyes. For the first time I noticed the wrinkles that stretched from the outer corner of his eyes, and the deep wrinkle line under his eye. He looked tired. He came in slowly again. This time he let his lips gently touch mine. I closed my eyes, and my heart fell below my stomach. I felt intoxicated, and so aroused. Silence. Darkness. Despite the music in the club, my mind focused into that one moment of time. The galaxy shrunk to the few inches where our lips met. I opened my lips ever so slightly. I felt his tongue enter my mouth. I leaned in closer, and he put his arms around me and drew me even closer. My tongue was soon fully in his mouth. Our first kiss.

Truth

Posted in Poetry, Writing with tags , , , , on November 6, 2009 by razor

TruthParticles held together by energy.
Light traveling.
Vibration, moving my tympanic bone.
Chemicals between my synapsen.
A well traveled path in my brain.

I want to release that energy,
And fall apart.
Become one with the air that surrounds me.

How I desire unison.
Solo no longer.
No male, no female -
No Age, No Status.
All is one.

Let my body decay in the ground.
I don’t need it.
I becomes we.

NaNoWriMo Novel Excerpt 4 – Cigar Bar

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing with tags , , , , , , , on November 3, 2009 by razor

Current Word Count: 5495

I had smoked Prime Times in the past. I was used to their sugary filter tips, and their flavors. But this cigar was different. It was thicker than a Prime Time, and was not sweet tasting. I put my lips around it, inhaled just enough smoke to fill my mouth, and blew the smoke out with my lips pursed. I could not get the right feel for smoking something that was not the same size of a cigarette. I glanced over at Gregg and noticed how comfortably his cigar sat in his fingers.

“What is it about Presidents and cigars?”…

When Gregg returned from the bathroom, I put my phone back in my purse.

“You can respond to your calls if you need to.”

“Oh… no… I don’t need to.”

I put my foot on the bottom bar of his bar stool.

“Do you like my space hooker shoes.  That is what T has called them since I bought them.”

We both looked down at my tiny foot.  My dark red nail polish on my big toe barely peeked out of the front of the shoe.  The black cage openings laced up with a textured black ribbon that tied in a small neat bow  at the top of my foot.

“Stripper shoes,” he replied as he placed his hand on the back of the four inch heel.  I soon felt his finger tracing the inside of the bridge of my foot.

“And I’m sure you would know!” I playfully said.

We bantered back and forth in this way for a short time, and then he started in on what I later imagined he had practiced in the mirror when he had just previously went to the men’s room:

“We cannot be physical with each other because of our roles within the company.

My foot was still in his hand, and I felt him grazing the bottom of my foot.  I laughed, but my face felt hot with embarrassment.  I must have appeared to be such an incredible fool.  I had driven 120 miles, my heart was on my sleeve, and I was going to be rejected.

“I don’t see you as my boss – I mean I don’t even deal with you  – I think of Annette as my boss.”

“It would be wrong.”

“Well, I think you are trying to convince yourself.  You are giving me two different messages here.  You are saying one thing – but you are still massaging my foot.”

He smiled.  And with having stated his conviction for his not wanting to be with me, he seemed fine with catching a taxi and keeping me warm on our ride back to the hotel room.

NaNoWriMo Novel Excerpt 3 – “There is stuff that I want to experience that I can’t experience with you”

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing with tags , , , , , , on November 2, 2009 by razor

Current Word Count: 3859

The patio at the Shamrock had just been completed.  It had just four small tables inside a gated area that separated the patio area from passer-by’s on the sidewalk.  I asked if we could be seated outside.

“Go ahead and sit anywhere out there, I will be out there in a second.”

I sat at the farthest table on the patio, taking the chair on the far side.  Mike sat in the other chair.  The waitress handed us menus.

“Can I get you drinks to start off with?”

“I’ll have the IPA.”

“I’ll take the same.”

“I will need to see both of your IDs.”

As Mike took out his wallet to retrieve his ID, I rummaged through my disorganized pocketbook for my ID.  Amidst all the old receipts, and the torn lining of the floppy purse, I realized I did not have my ID.

“Shit.  I think I must have left it on my desk.  But we’re in here all the time.”

“Sorry.  I need to see your ID.”

I felt annoyed  – this was the second time within a short period that I had not been allowed to order alcohol when forgetting my ID.

“I’ll just take a water then.”

The waitress walked off.
“So what are you going to get?”

“Probably the chicken strips – but I didn’t like the ranch the last time we were here.”

“I know – it was pretty watery – and Gordo said that it was OK – but I don’t think so.”

“Yeah… Hey Stace – you  know that this relationship will end when I leave in December for the Peace Corp.”

I looked from my menu just as the waitress set down our drinks.

“Do you guys know what you want, or do you need more time?”

“I’ll take the chicken strips,” Mike said.”

“And you – what will you have?”

My heart was in my stomach – and I had a lump in my throat.  “I’ll have the vegetarian Boxty.”

“Thanks.  I’ll be out shortly with your orders.”

A million thoughts raced through my head all at once.  You jerk.  Why ask me out at all?

“Of course. Yeah…”

Silence.  But then I had to ask – I needed to know.

“Is it just because of the distance – or if you were staying here would we continue?  Is it the age difference?”

“Well the distance has a lot to do with it – I don’t want to have a long distance relationship – but yeah – the age too.  There is stuff that I want to experience that I can’t experience with you.”

“Like what?”

“I want a family – you’ve already had a family.”

I admired and respected him for clarifying.

At that moment I resigned myself to enjoying the relationship for what it was.

NaNoWriMo Novel Excerpt 2 – Dance Floor

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing with tags , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by razor

Current Word Count: 2371

… I am confident on the dance floor.  I don’t have to hide.  I own it.  There is something sexy about confidence.  The bass moving through my body -  catchy phrases to lip – and my body is a conduit – letting the music flow through me, and out of me.  I put my hands in the air, and let my hips follow the beat – going in and out.  There are no doubts when I am dancing.  I’m free.

I saw Gregg and Ralph watching me and Amanda dance.  Soon, they came and joined us.  I closed my eyes and felt Gregg’s hands on the sides of my waist.  He moved his hand along my spine, and the hair on the nape of my neck.

“I’m so sweaty,” I told him.

“You can take this off,” he said putting his hand on the gray top I wore over my camisole…

NaNoWriMo Novel Excerpt 1 – Swirling Wine

Posted in NaNoWriMo, Writing with tags , , , , , , , , on November 1, 2009 by razor

Current Word Count: 1756

… A belief was born inside my mind when he was swirling his wine. The waitress stood over him. It seemed as if time were standing still and the three of us were the only beings in the world. I felt her admiration towards him – and I felt in union with her in that admiration. I sensed her submission, and felt it too. He looked up at me. I fell into his eyes. My whole face felt warm – and the thought that came so loudly into my head was, “Oh shit! I have a crush on the President of the company, and I am going to end up sleeping with him.” I’m sure that all happened within a few seconds, it seemed like an eternity and a moment at the same time. Few people in this World are observant – so I knew that noone could see what was transpiring. I quickly excused myself to the ladies’ room…

Perfection

Posted in Poetry, Writing with tags , , , , , on October 30, 2009 by razor

Have you ever had a perfect moment?
No yesterday or tomorrow.
No There -
Only Here
You and Me
Energy in unison.

Boundaries of ownership gone…

I held that perfect moment -
Took one step
And found that nothing was perfect at all.

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