I’m just gonna dance all night
I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line
Stilettos and broken bottles
I’m spinning around in circles
Archive for the Video Category
Dancing on My Own by Robyn (Official Video)
Posted in Music, Video with tags Dance Music, Dancing on My Own, Music, Music Video, Robyn on August 27, 2011 by razorI Hate This Part – You Make Me Sick (Egypt Central)
Posted in Journal, Music, Video with tags butt dialing, Egypt Central, futile thoughts, Michael Cervantes, Music Video, You Make Me Sick on August 25, 2011 by razorThis is the part I hate. I was at work at 6 am this morning. I am exhausted. When I am tired this way – my guard is down.
I accidently called Mike this morning. I was in a hurry trying to get Helen’s lab ready by 8 am. I was walking back from the stockroom holding my phone. When I walked into my office and put my phone down – I could here his voicemail intro, “This is Mike…” At first I thought I was hearing things. When I realized that I had accidently hit “2″ and “send” somewhere along the way from the cell lab to my office . I thought, “Fuck – now he is going to think that I am trying to contact him.” I quickly texted him, “Sorry. I still have you in my speed dial and I accidently butt dialed your number. I’ll remove it from my contacts so it doesn’t happen again.” And then I proceeded to remove his number off my cell phone.
I have to admit that it made me anxious when he didn’t repsond. I thought “Great – I had the last word – and it was that I butt dialed him. He doesn’t believe me, and he has satisfaction now.” God – why do relationships have to be all about who wins? About 20 minutes he did respond – but it was just another apology for all the mean shit he said to me on the last Thursday night that we talked. “I didn’t mean anything to hurt you?” Really? Because I couldn’t tell from the things he said that night! – Well, maybe. I know he was drunk – not really an excuse, and he must have been feeling just as hurt as me. So he was trying to hurt me – he felt hurt, and wanted to hurt me back.
I never wanted to hear about the new girl he is seeing. I told him before that I didn’t want to know anything – and he is the one who started that night, “her stomach is flat – no kids…” That was the one thing I never wanted. He could have compared us to eachother all he wanted inside his fucking head – but I never wanted any information that would make me compare myself to her. I did the one really low thing that I had been tempted to do earlier in the week – but didn’t do because I thought it was just the lowest thing. I sent him Benden’s picture.
Anyway, I am sitting here tonight – trying to get my paper done. But I am feeling so tired, and my mind is wandering. It goes to futile places, “He must have been with her this morning and that is why he didn’t answer the phone… He was with her that Monday morning that I was calling him and he didn’t answer…”
But you know what – he finally did the magical thing that was going to end our viscious circle. He said “she’s aweome” – compared me to her, and I didn’t measure up. When I start thinking that I am missing him – I just think of all the texts he sent me last Thursday, and how shady he was throughout the whole relationship, and it makes me feel sick – and I don’t miss him. For right now – I have to keep those sick feelings at the forefront to keep from wanting to think about him. Thank god work is so busy right now.
I used to think this was perfect,
and wish that it was never ending
But those days are gone forever.
It’s something I’m not missing
There’s a force – there’s a voice in my head
Telling me to think about the times that you were cruel and mean
I don’t care if you walk away
I’m here to stay and you need to hear: You make me sick… ~Egypt Central
On to Being Single
Posted in Journal, Music, Video with tags Alone, Brighton Pineda, Jason Derulo, Michael Cervantes, Music Video, Ridin' Solo, single, singlehood, solo on August 24, 2011 by razorI really don’t like the sound of that phrase “being single”, but any other word sounds just as awkward to me – “on to singlehood”, “on to singleness”. Maybe it is because I haven’t been for so long.
I am actually looking forward to it. Last night when I went to bed, I got anxious at the thought of “being alone”. But I just went and laid down in the other room, took a few deep breaths, focused on other things, and eventually fell asleep.
Brighton came over tonight to work on speeding up my computer. It was great to see him. We spent a little time catching up on the past three years. He actually reminded me of Mike at one point. He mentioned the camping trip we all went on (when I got stickers in my foot), and of course – EDC. He thought that the last time he saw Mike was on the camping trip, but I know that couldn’t be because Mike and I were not going out yet when we had went on that camping trip, and we were dating when we went to EDC. So probably the last time Brighton saw Mike was at EDC. It’s hard to believe that much time has passed since I’ve seen Brighton, and since Mike and I first started dating.
While Brighton was working on my computer, I got a lot of stuff done. I tidied up the front yard, washed the front windows, and hung up the plaque that the Fenstermachers gave me for my wedding – “The Righinis - Est. 1997″. I enjoy doing these little things around the house, and while I was doing them – I thought it will be very nice to be single for a while and take the time to complete all the house maintenance stuff.
One other reason I should be thankful for fewer distractions – today there was an announcement sent out via email that CSU-Pueblo just received money for scholarships for those students that want to complete a math degree. I went and talked to Janet Barnett immediately. It sounds very hopeful that I can actually apply for one of the scholarships and get the math degree I have always wanted.
So “singleness” – I embrace you!
No one to answer to
No one that’s gonna argue, no
And since I got that hold off me
I’m livin’ life now that I’m free, yeahTold me get my shit together
Now I got my shit together, yeah
Now I made it through the weather
Better days are gonna get better
I’m so sorry that it didn’t work out – I’m movin’ on
I’m so sorry but it’s over now
The pain is gone ~Jason Derulo
You and I – Lady Gaga (Music Video)
Posted in Journal, Music, Video with tags birthday, Lady Gaga, Music Video, Nebraska, New York Bartendar, Randy, Stefanie Germonatta, The Favorite, woman dressed in drag, You and I on August 21, 2011 by razor
It has been a very long week for sure. It’s Sunday morning, and I am just thankful for a good night’s sleep, and some peace this morning.
I spoke with Aldina first thing this morning. I always ask for Paul now. It comforts me that he is with the kids, and that they all seem like they are doing exceptionally well. I like talking to him. I know him, he is so familiar to me, and comforting because of that. No surprises, just his good, eccentric, simple ways.
He told Aldina to tell me to watch Lady Gaga’s video – You and I – “the UK version.” I told her that I thought I already watched it. T had posted it on her FaceBook page last week. She loves the video. I have to admit – both T and Paul have excellent taste in music – and Tabrizia loves her theatrics. Aldina said that he loved the part where she screamed out that she writes her own music. I knew that wasn’t in the official video, so I figured there must have been something else that he had seen. I youtubed it, and watched her performance in London. He was right, her performance in London about a year ago is amazing. I called back to let him know that he should also watch the official video that was just released.
While I was looking for the official video to watch again, I discovered some infomration. The song was inspired by a New York bartendar that Stefanie Germonatta was in an on again/off again relationship with. The video she says is about a journey to winning an estranged love back.
Sometimes in love, you can’t make it work,” she continued about that particular scene. “No matter what you do, there’s this giant boundary between you and someone else. So that’s what it’s about, perceiving in your imagination that there’s something magical inside of you that you can make it work.”
It’s a real-life former love that has left an indelible mark on Gaga’s creative spirit, and she says that this video perfectly captures that. “For me, it was all about capturing the true spirit of the song, which is when you’re in love, you’ll be willing to walk and do the craziest and most inconvenient things you can possibly imagine,” she added. “The video is quite complex in the way that the story is told, and it’s meant to be slightly linear and slightly twisted and confusing, which is the way that love is. (http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1669370/lady-gaga-mermaid-sex-you-and-i.jhtml)
In one scene, she is playing the piano, while another version of her self is dressed in drag and sitting on top of the piano. The version of her dressed in drag reminds me of this women I met on the night of my past birthday. She said her name was “Randy” – I don’t know if that is true, but she was sexy as hell, and made a huge impression on me. This post is dedicated to her.
Something, Something about the chase!
Save Me – Hanson (Music Video)
Posted in Music, Video with tags Hanson, Lyrics, Michael Cervantes, Save Me, Video on July 22, 2011 by razorsuddenly the sky is falling
could it be it’s too late for me
well if i never said im sorry, then im wrong, im wrong
then i hear my spirit calling
wonder if he’s longing for me
and then i know that i cant live without himwon’t you save me, ’cause saving is what i need
i just want to be by your side
won’t you save me, i dont wanna be
just driftin through the sea of life ~Hanson
Beautiful People
Posted in Journal, Music, Video with tags Beautiful People, Benny Benassi, Chris Brown on May 15, 2011 by razorGod – I have decided that my next lover will be a female!
Should’ve Known Better – Sick Puppies
Posted in Music, Video with tags e1ena13, Lyrics, Michael Cervantes, should've Known Better, Sick Puppies, Video on May 6, 2011 by razorI got a new plan but it ain’t nothing but a mirror
Of everything we had just before you became a winner
The love - the lies – is nothing but a memory nowI can’t always see what’s in front of me
No I can hardly breathe, suffocating me, bleeding it out
All over the groundTell me when it’s over
Wake me when I’m sober
The scars too hard to hide
I should’ve known better
If only I could be strong enough to see that it’s over
I wish I’d never loved you
‘Cause you were supposed to be coming back to me
Where are you now?
I should’ve known better~Sick Puppies
Mike Posner – Bow Chicka Wow Wow
Posted in Music, Video with tags Bow Chicka Wow Wow, Mike Posner on May 4, 2011 by razorOk – I have to admit that this put the HUGEST SMILE ON MY FACE TONIGHT!
You tryin’ make me wait wait wait ’till the second date; But I can’t can’t can’t even comtemplate Waiting one more minute… ~Mike Posner
Swans by Unkle Bob
Posted in Music, Video with tags Swans, Twilight, Unkle Bob on May 3, 2011 by razorYou tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again. ~Unkle Bob
Just Another Day
Posted in Journal, Music, Photographs, Video with tags LMFAO, Mike Posner, Party Rock Anthem on May 3, 2011 by razorToday hasn’t been completely smooth, and I am having to work to keep from being over taken by melancholy. The morning started out ok – but by 10:30 I was already feeling tired and nervous. I think it has to do with where I am physically, but also Shirley called me up to give me details about the prizes for team healthy. She told me that she would have my check waiting at the office, but that they would mail Mike’s check to him. she had left a voice mail yesterday asking for his address – so I asked if she had his address. She said yes. I knew they must have communicated, and it prompted me to check up on him. He has a soccer game tonight, and he wishes he were in Moab. It left me feeling gut wrenched for some of the day. I am so much better off not knowing anything that he is doing right now. I really need to stop checking up on him. It doesn’t do me any good.
The first part of the morning seemed like a time warp. Every time I looked at the clock it felt like an hour had already passed when actually only 5 minutes had passed. I listened to the New York Times. Most of the news seemed to be about the killing of Osama Bin Laden. One of the stories says that he was buried at sea. Really? It seems so surreal. Who buried him at sea? Did the US? Or his family? I really thought once we had the body – we wouldn’t give it up for anything. It wouldn’t have surprised me if we would have cryopreserved him.
Interesting – there was a dog involved in the raid on his compound. I thought that was pretty awesome. I found no detailed information – but will be keeping my eye out for it. I think that is just incredible!
When they had announced his death on sunday night, and said that it was verified by DNA tests, I asked right away how did we have samples of his DNA to test with? Apparently the DNA was tested against the samples of other family members. Today the New York times also said that one of his wives identified the body. I don’t think the whole thing went down as I imagine. Also, I am just a tad bit sceptical about our government’s ability to tell the truth anyway. Osama’s death is very symbolic, and would be nothing but a morale boost for our country. If at some point it comes out that his death was faked – I wouldn’t be surprised. It kinda sucks when you don’t trust your leaders!
I got some great news today: I have been elected to serve on classified staff council. Hopefully Helen will allow me to serve (actually – I think that would be the straw that breaks the camel’s back if she says no.) We’ll see. I think she will be back on Thursday.
Calvin spent most of the morning in my office – which was really a nice distraction. He is really funny – and he puts a smile on my face. I let him take me out to lunch today. The one thing that I really hate about him is his incessant talk about sex. When he starts, I change the subject, or lately I have been telling him straight out that I really don’t want to talk about it. He seems to be obsessed with Annette right now – which I think is totally hysterical. But as long as he is not hitting on me – that is a relief. Today I told him clearly that I would never hook up with him. I’m not interested in that. But as long as he wants tos be friends – I am down with that. He is supposed to spend a full day with me so he can teach me how to cook an authentic southern meal: ribs, black-eyed peas, collard greens, rice, brown gravy ham hocks, and red velvet cake with white frosting. I would love to try my hand at southern food – I have never cooked it.
Our talk about southern food reminded me of the restaurant that Gregg and I went to get breakfast while we were in DC (or maybe Maryland.) Memories are such a double-edged sword. I guess it is somewhat painful to have memories when a relationship first ends, but as time passes – they are somewhat of a comfort.
Calvin said something noteworthy today. “You miss opportunities when you put up a wall.” I must admit – I have to agree with him. I definitely know the more willing one is to be involved with people – the more opportunities there are to share, give, grow. But it also leaves one open for being hurt. I don’t know which tips the scale.
Today I decided that Mike Posneris a mix between Tony and Kevin. Tony does not agree, I believe that Kevin does.
And… I have a new favorite dance song: Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO. Enjoy!
