Razor

This has to be a record time that I got over somebody.  I lost all respect for Mike, and my view of him has been changed tremendously.  Yesterday I was pining away for him, and perhaps it was because I spent a whole weekend, sick, cooped up and working on papers for graduate school.  Feeling like I missed him incredibly last night, I contacted him.  He did not feel like talking.  He injured his ankle at a soccer game.  He put his phone on silent – but I blew it up all night with text messages and phone calls begging him to have one last conversation with me. 

I woke up early and went straight to work (with the intention of being done with everything that needed to be done, and then get out of there by 7 am and take a sick day. Didn’t happen. ) Mike called on his way to work I suppose.  I could barely talk because my throat is still a mess – I don’t even really remember what we talked about.  At some point he started reading the texts that I sent to him last night.  When he saw the message that I had my first lesbian experience – he was all over that.  Once again, the subject of a threesome came up (see earlier post where he just gets so obssesive about the subject.)  Soon – he just went into this rant about how I never gave him anything that he wanted – that was the one thing that he wanted, etc.  I guess if his rant had just stayed at that – it would have been ok – or at least tolerable.  I have heard him say all of those things before.  But then he started begging, conjoling, and manipulating me to try to allow him to join me and Randy in a threesome.  This is when I noticed his absolute disregard for others when it comes to sex – and his weird mind set about it.  The other night when I asked him why he had lied about coming to Pueblo the day before my birthday, he answered, “Becasue I didn’t want you to be with anybody,”  regardless of the fact that he already has a new girlfriend.  He is the absolute eptiome of the saying my mom alsways told me, “Men are like dogs with bones – they don’t want them, but they don’t want anyone else to have them either.”  He offered to break up with his new girlfriend, and then ask her back out after the threesome – or just let her go completely “there are plenty of other women out there”.  And then he said something that I couldn’t believe – “It would be a good way to bring closure to our relationship.”  Anyway – I realize that he has no intention of leaving this new girl, and ending up with me (duh – big red truck) – but even more – I realized that he is shady to his very core.  He finally admitted to me that he broke up with me the first time in the hopes of being able to go out with Maddie.  He hasn’t admitted that he broke up with me this last time becasue he was interested in this new girl – but I know it’s true.  But he is being a shady dog with her as well.  What the hell?  He said that they weren’t in a “committed relationship” (thinking back to the time that he told Maddie that Kitsune was in the back yard because school was on vacation and I had a back yard) – but it makes him nervous to not be in a committed relationship with her.  He doesn’t want her “to sleep with anybody else.”  And yet he is on the phone begging me to let him join a threesome.

Anyway – I changed my number.  It felt so good, and I feel so free!  I can’t believe how doing that one thing has made me feel light and empowered.  I have no desire to talk to him ever again.  I saw a side of him that just disgusts me.

What goes around comes back around…
There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must’ve been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I, I saw the real you

Thank God you blew it
I thank God I dodged the bullet
I’m so over you
So baby good lookin’ out

I wanted you bad
I’m so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had ~Beyonce